Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
