Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
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Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
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in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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