We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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