how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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