You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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