Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
