Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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