im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
