Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
