she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We are all done wearing pants today
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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