He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
