I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
