i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
