I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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