kristin has been a bad kristin
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
