Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize