you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
