He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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