I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
