you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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