All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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