this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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