even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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