Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
