i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
