The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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