Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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