I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
