i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We have started to decorate penises.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Congratulations! We have a period
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