We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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