K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
