My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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