my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
