Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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