went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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