her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
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Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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