i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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