Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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