After last night, I could never be a politician.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
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Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
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Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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