someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
