I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
