? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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