Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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