so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
