Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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