we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
