The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
