so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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