found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
