Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
