my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
