dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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