Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
