U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
