did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
