I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
