Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Someone signed my nipple.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
