Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
And then he peed in my hair
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