so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
