Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
