Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
it's great music for shaving your balls
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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