Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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