Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just cut my nipple shaving
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
