We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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