So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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