WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
